Tag Archives: first-time mom

how bed rest is like prison…with perks

this time last year i was in the hospital on bed rest. oh man, it sucked. i cried, i whined, i complained, and i pretty much threatened the nurses and docs. like seriously. i was a caged animal. or a … Continue reading

Posted in baby model, bedrest, emergency room, fertility, first-time mom, gluten-free, husband, i love you, invitro fertilization, IVF, neurotic mom, obsessive compulsive, OCD, placenta: eating, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, vacation | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

lu’s big, fat purple party

after lu’s ginormous second birthday party last year, puddn and i pinky-swore we’d never do it again. soooo of course, i threw her a bigger, better one this year… jeez, i’m sorry if i wanna celebrate my one-and-only baby girl’s … Continue reading

Posted in baby model, neurotic mom, obsessive compulsive, Uncategorized, wedding | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

ode to my dad

this is the first father’s day without my dad, and i gotta say it sucks. so i feel like yip-yapping a little about him and reminiscing about the good ‘ol days… his name was manny, short for manuel. which is … Continue reading

Posted in first-time mom, grandparents, husband, i love you, in-laws, neurotic mom, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, Uncategorized, wedding | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

schmother’s day

here’s what i know about my mother’s day: it’s probably gonna bite the big one. how do i know? well, if it’s anything like the past two years, puddn will just say, “what, you’re not my mother” and i’ll get … Continue reading

Posted in bedrest, breastfeeding, breastmilk, f bombs, first-time mom, frat dude, husband, i love you, neurotic mom, new father, nipples, nursing, sick baby, tantrums, terrible twos | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

ready or not

like it or not, this baby’s coming. soon. like really f*cking soon…like in less than 24 hours. and even after 12 days of lying on my ass in the hospital waiting for this day to come, i’m still not remotely … Continue reading

Posted in bedrest, breast milk, breastfeeding, curse words, cursing baby, f bombs, fertility, first-time mom, frat dude, husband, IVF, neurotic mom, OCD, placenta previa, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, toddler who curses | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

the devil wears seersucker

if you think puddn’s obnoxious, you should see him when he’s bombed—especially at a wedding. dear god. lemme tell you that dipsh*t is lucky to be alive today cuz last night i almost killed him… it wasn’t the first time … Continue reading

Posted in bedrest, curse words, f bombs, first-time mom, frat dude, husband, i love you | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

storage wars

puddn finally threatened to divorce me. no, it wasn’t over the usual reasons—lying, cheating or irreconcilable differences (though trust me, we have plenty of those)—it was over…wait for it…our garage. either i had to get rid of all the sh*t … Continue reading

Posted in cursing baby, f bombs, first-time mom, hoarding, husband, i love you, neurotic mom, new father, new house, obsessive compulsive, OCD, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, shopping, toddler who curses | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

staycation of sorts

last week was brutal. for once, it didn’t have anything to do with this damn pregnancy. nope…this time, puddn took my sweet stinky away from me for a whole week—and i seriously lost my sh*t… i was supposed to fly … Continue reading

Posted in bedrest, cursing baby, f bombs, first-time mom, grandparents, husband, i love you, in-laws, invitro fertilization, IVF, neurotic mom, new father, obsessive compulsive, OCD, placenta previa, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, shopping, the moms view, toddler who curses, vacation | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

puddn in the hot seat

i haven’t really written much about puddn lately, so it’s high time he got some sh*t. i decided to ask him a list of questions about my pregnancy to see how’d he’d answer them…and he was a d*ck as usual… … Continue reading

Posted in baby names, curse words, cursing baby, discipline baby, f bombs, first-time mom, frat dude, husband, i love you, invitro fertilization, IVF, male body hair, neurotic mom, new father, nipples, obsessive compulsive, OCD, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, tantrums, terrible twos, the bachelor, toddler who curses | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

knocked up…another top 12

last week i wrote about the top 12 crappiest parts about being preggers—that was a total cinch. but that got me thinking…could i come up with 12 good things about being knocked up? lemme tell ya, it was a helluva … Continue reading

Posted in bedrest, breast milk, breastfeeding, cursing baby, emergency room, f bombs, fertility, first-time mom, frat dude, husband, i love you, neurotic mom, new father, nipples, obsessive compulsive, OCD, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, shopping, terrible twos, toddler who curses | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment