Category Archives: cursing baby

“Santa is Kind of an Asshole” by Lulu, 3 years old

This year I’m leaving broccoli for Santa instead of cookies. Why? Cuz he’s fat and eats too many cookies. If you really think about it, Santa’s totes creepy. First of all, the seeing-you-when-you’re-sleeping-and-knowing-when-you’re-awake thing is totally skeevy. And why is … Continue reading

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lil black swan

last sunday was one of the best days of my life. no, puddn didn’t get laser hair removal. it was lulu’s first ballet recital… i swear to gawd it was the cutest damn thing i’ve ever seen. though it was … Continue reading

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drunk mommy

the other night i did something i hadn’t done in years: i got totally f*cking bombed. and good god, i loved it. you might be thinking, “big whoop,” but for me it was kind of a big deal. see, i’ve … Continue reading

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one down

this weekend was ridgey’s one-month birthday. and if there’s anything i’ve learned over the past 30ish days, it’s this: having 2 kids sucks. i’m totally serious. if you’ve already got 1 decent kid and you’re thinking about having another, i … Continue reading

Posted in baby names, bedrest, breast milk, breast pump, breastfeeding, cursing baby, f bombs, first-time mom, husband, i love you, neurotic mom, pregnant at 40, tantrums, terrible twos, toddler who curses, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

mooshie knows best

we spent all morning a few days ago in tears…you see, after helping us out for weeks, mooshie finally hightailed it outta here. stinks bawled her face off, i cried, and i think even puddn teared up knowing he had … Continue reading

Posted in baby names, bedrest, breast pump, breastfeeding, celiac disease, cursing baby, emergency room, f bombs, fertility, gluten, gluten-free, grandparents, husband, i love you, in-laws, IVF, nanny, neurotic mom, new father, nursing, obsessive compulsive, OCD, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, shopping, subchorionic hemorrhage, the bachelor, toddler who curses | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

baby on board

i know i’ve been really bad about posting lately, but a) i’m spending time loving on my new baby (and my sweet stinky, of course), 2) i’m still in a shit-ton of pain from having my pelvis sliced open and … Continue reading

Posted in bedrest, cursing baby, f bombs, frat dude, grandparents, husband, i love you, in-laws, invitro fertilization, IVF, neurotic mom, new father, placenta previa, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, toddler who curses, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

ready or not

like it or not, this baby’s coming. soon. like really f*cking soon…like in less than 24 hours. and even after 12 days of lying on my ass in the hospital waiting for this day to come, i’m still not remotely … Continue reading

Posted in bedrest, breast milk, breastfeeding, curse words, cursing baby, f bombs, fertility, first-time mom, frat dude, husband, IVF, neurotic mom, OCD, placenta previa, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, toddler who curses | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

flat on my back

right now my pits reek worse than puddn’s sweaty (and hairy) ass after crossfit. and it’s after 5 pm, and i haven’t brushed my teeth yet today. seriously, i’m repulsive. but who gives a sh*t? it’s not like anyone’s gonna … Continue reading

Posted in bedrest, cursing baby, emergency room, f bombs, fertility, gluten, gluten-free, in-laws, IVF, male body hair, neurotic mom, OCD, placenta previa, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, shopping, subchorionic hemorrhage, thawing breastmilk, toddler who curses | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

storage wars

puddn finally threatened to divorce me. no, it wasn’t over the usual reasons—lying, cheating or irreconcilable differences (though trust me, we have plenty of those)—it was over…wait for it…our garage. either i had to get rid of all the sh*t … Continue reading

Posted in cursing baby, f bombs, first-time mom, hoarding, husband, i love you, neurotic mom, new father, new house, obsessive compulsive, OCD, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, shopping, toddler who curses | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

staycation of sorts

last week was brutal. for once, it didn’t have anything to do with this damn pregnancy. nope…this time, puddn took my sweet stinky away from me for a whole week—and i seriously lost my sh*t… i was supposed to fly … Continue reading

Posted in bedrest, cursing baby, f bombs, first-time mom, grandparents, husband, i love you, in-laws, invitro fertilization, IVF, neurotic mom, new father, obsessive compulsive, OCD, placenta previa, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, shopping, the moms view, toddler who curses, vacation | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments