Author Archives: Janet

push THIS

the other night at dinner, my preggers friend tara told us girls what her husband’s giving her when she pops out her baby: a fabulous earring/necklace combo with pink stones—cuz it’s a girl. i know, awww. it made me wanna … Continue reading

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back to school

last weekend i partied like it was 1994. in other words, i was a complete idiot. i flew to virginia to go to my 20-year college reunion (please don’t do the math on that), and after the weekend i had, … Continue reading

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potty training is stupid

a friend of mine asked the other day when i’m gonna start potty training the budge.  i said he can shit his pants ‘til he’s 10 for all i care. lu’s been using the potty for about a year now. … Continue reading

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“Santa is Kind of an Asshole” by Lulu, 3 years old

This year I’m leaving broccoli for Santa instead of cookies. Why? Cuz he’s fat and eats too many cookies. If you really think about it, Santa’s totes creepy. First of all, the seeing-you-when-you’re-sleeping-and-knowing-when-you’re-awake thing is totally skeevy. And why is … Continue reading

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how bed rest is like prison…with perks

this time last year i was in the hospital on bed rest. oh man, it sucked. i cried, i whined, i complained, and i pretty much threatened the nurses and docs. like seriously. i was a caged animal. or a … Continue reading

Posted in baby model, bedrest, emergency room, fertility, first-time mom, gluten-free, husband, i love you, invitro fertilization, IVF, neurotic mom, obsessive compulsive, OCD, placenta: eating, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, vacation | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

in defense of miley cyrus…sort of

i’m not a miley cyrus fan. let’s get that straight. but dear god, i’m so sick of hearing about how horrible her stupid twerk performance was the other night. seriously, people, who cares? it was a genius PR stunt. is … Continue reading

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lu’s big, fat purple party

after lu’s ginormous second birthday party last year, puddn and i pinky-swore we’d never do it again. soooo of course, i threw her a bigger, better one this year… jeez, i’m sorry if i wanna celebrate my one-and-only baby girl’s … Continue reading

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lil black swan

last sunday was one of the best days of my life. no, puddn didn’t get laser hair removal. it was lulu’s first ballet recital… i swear to gawd it was the cutest damn thing i’ve ever seen. though it was … Continue reading

Posted in baby model, cursing baby, f bombs, first-time mom, frat dude, husband, i love you, in-laws, neurotic mom, toddler who curses, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

ode to my dad

this is the first father’s day without my dad, and i gotta say it sucks. so i feel like yip-yapping a little about him and reminiscing about the good ‘ol days… his name was manny, short for manuel. which is … Continue reading

Posted in first-time mom, grandparents, husband, i love you, in-laws, neurotic mom, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, Uncategorized, wedding | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

say what!?!

the other day some girlfriends and i were yapping about embarrassing things kids blurt out in public. well last week, lulu yelled out something so bad i almost pooped my pants… you know the comments i’m talking about. like when … Continue reading

Posted in curse words, discipline baby, husband, i love you, neurotic mom, terrible twos, toddler who curses, vacation, wedding | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment