baby on board

i know i’ve been really bad about posting lately, but a) i’m spending time loving on my new baby (and my sweet stinky, of course), 2) i’m still in a shit-ton of pain from having my pelvis sliced open and my guts rearranged, and c) i’m just being lazy…

our lil ridgey (né robert joseph clancey, IV) was born exactly 4 weeks early, on thursday, september 13, at 8:13 am. he was actually pretty big for a preemie, weighing in at hefty 6 lbs, 13 oz., and 18 ½ inches long. the doc said if he’d gone full-term, he would’ve been a giant 10-pounder. ouch.

the good news is he was totally healthy for a preemie. thank gawd. he only had to spend 1 night in the nursery to monitor his breathing. then the next night, a nurse walked in on me holding him in bed, totally passed out and slumped over his tiny body. so he was promptly taken away from me for the rest of the nights for both our sakes. jesus, i was a wreck.

so yah, back to me. i never thought i’d say these words, but i really wish my vagina had been stretched open and ripped to shreds. cuz that would be about a bazillion times better than this whole c-section recovery crap.

i’m not gonna lie, it’s been brutal. i feel like such a big baby myself, but i’m pissed at everyone who told me a C was easy. seriously, eff you.

but with that stupid placenta previa, i had no choice—there was no possible way the baby could come outta my va-jayjay. i had plenty of time to mentally prepare for the surgery, but nothing could’ve prepped me for the pain. or looking down and seeing staples across my stomach. holy sh*t.

i also stopped all my pain meds after 2 1/2 days. if you know me, you know how stubborn i can be, and i was convinced i could do it without any drugs. plus, for some reason i thought if most moms are back to normal-ish in 2 weeks, then i could do it in a few days. yes, i’m an idiot.

but for the first 2 days, i popped percocet (aka oxycodone) pills like i was on an episode of “intervention.” trust me, i loved the high but then my 6-pound bambino wouldn’t wake up for anything to nurse and was dropping weight like crazy (turns out the meds go right into your breastmilk and make the baby drowsy…duh)—so i quit that sh*t cold turkey.

and dear god, the pain. holy bejesus. why oh why does anyone choose to have a f*cking c-section? i’ve had a baby both ways now, so i can say this method of cutting the baby out sucks balls. a week after pushing lulu outta my coochie, i was pretty much healed and back to normal (and better than ever…i’m pretty sure the doc gave me the ol’ “extra stitch”). but this time, au contraire mon frere. i’m still a complete hot mess.

so it’s a damn good thing this baby is the sweetest, cutest, most precious and adorable thing i’ve ever laid eyes on (well, tied with his sister). i was honestly starting to resent him since he was such a raging a-hole for 9 months. plus, i was scared i could never love another child as much as i do my lil stinkers. but now that i’ve met the lil guy, holy moly, he’s seriously stolen my heart.

lulu was a whopping over-8-pound fatso, but our tiny ridgey is a skinny, pathetic, bobble-headed lil ol’ man who looks like a cross between wallace shawn (think “inconthievable!” from “the princess bride”), don knotts and a small rodent. but god, he’s the cutest old man-rodent-baby i’ve ever seen.

so i think we’ll keep him.

to be continued…