party central

today’s my sweet baby lulu’s second birthday. and since she got stiffed out of a first birthday party (puddn and i got married instead), we threw her a bonafide kiddie rager at our house yesterday…

put me down so i can f*cking party!

i swear to gawd i put more effort into this shindig than i did for my f*cking wedding. back in the day in nyc, i planned huge events for elle magazine, and this week reminded me why that job turned me into a total maniac.

stinks invited 40 of her closest friends (thank god only 25 came) with their parents, as well as her favorite adult pals, aka, our idiot friends. of course, most of those f*ckers showed up. who knew a lame 2-year-old’s party was the place to be on sunday from 3 to 5.

since we don’t have enough seats for 80 (yes, 80) freakin’ peeps, i had to rent tables and chairs, and that’s when things started to get outta hand—and expensive as sh*t. cuz then we needed entertainment for the kids. and decorations, duh. and party favors (adorable fairy wings and kites). and food. and booze…lots and lots of booze. i’m pretty sure the grand total came to $1200+. yep, clearly i’m nuts, and extraordinarily stupid.

but i didn’t mean for things to get so crazy. and i tried to cut corners where i could. my mom and i made adorable fabric carnival buntings so i didn’t have to spend a fortune buying them (btw, they were the hit of the party). and the night before the fete, i was making home-made cupcakes and flower arrangements ‘til 2 am.

we swore this was lu’s last party ‘til her sweet 16, but whatever happens, somebody remind me not to throw another one with puddn. lemme tell you, that guy really poops on party planning—to the point that i suggested we drive in separate cars to costco. and of course he insisted we buy the 750-pack of red plastic solo cups. red. for a pink, green and white party? no f*cking way. (moms, am i right here, or what?) that started party argument #113. “you’re crazy, janz, no one cares what color the stupid cups are!” um, i cared—and ended up finding clear biogradeable, compostable plant-made ones…booyah!

but everything worked out in the end, and the party was amazing. puddn informed me about 30 minutes into it that he was bombed, as were all our friends who don’t have kids. there were actually 2 parties: one in the front yard for single peeps, kid-haters and smokers, and the one out back with the kiddie band and the rest of the insanity.

the best part was stinks had an absolute ball—when she wasn’t screaming at kids for playing with her toys. she jammed out to the band, mowed down gluten-filled goldfish when i wasn’t looking (btw, she had raging diarrhea today), and loved when all the attention was on her when we sang “happy birthday.” it was awesome. and totally worth all the trouble.

so i’m thinking we’ll do a red, white and blue theme next year…yah, that’s right, next year. after all, your baby only turns 3 once, right? but i’m still not getting those f*cking red cups.

weeeeee! it's my birthday, y'all!
look what my mama whipped up with $17 of flowers from the farmers market!
it's party time...let's do this!
jesus, ma, i'm turning 2, not getting f*cking married.
my parents aren't getting divorced over this party...yaaaaay!
say cheeeeese!
um, does my mom think this is her party?
this band better rock or else.
"get it on...bang a gong..."
everybody sambaaaaaa!
sh*t, i just realized i'm not wearing sunscreen.
my mom woke up at the crack of ass to ice 96 cupcakes...then they melted in the sun. oops.
pipe down, assholes! it's time to sing to me!

do i have something on my face?
hey, ma, this dirty water's deelish!
and my mom taking more pics of herself and her friends.
some kids even learned the birds and the bees at my party.
hooray! i'm glad i waited 'til the party was over before i sh*t through my dress!
um, it's 8:00. why are all these people still here?
seriously, there's the door...get the f*ck out.
maybe these balloons will carry me far away from these losers.
you're cute 'n' all, kevin, but you know i'm only 2, right? besides, i'm kinda taken.
holy crap! i can't wait to get my mitts on these!
the perfect end to a party: pizza and ice on your feet.

happy second birthday to my sweet, funny, beautiful baby girl. you’re the biggest joy and love of my life (sorry, puddn). i love watching your amazing lil personality emerge, and i love you more and more every day. just please don’t turn into a terrible-twos monster!

check out LULU’s BIRTHDAY PARTY video montage on YOUTUBE!!! and my new vlog series!

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13 Responses to party central

  1. Samantha says:

    Happy birthday Lulu!

  2. cat says:

    You’re so cute in your maxi dresses. I need to get out and photograph you before Junior comes along! Lucky Lulu to have such a good mom who throws her a great party. {I used to be a good mom when I only had one. :) }

    • Janet says:

      lol…get out here asap! :) i wish you lived closer…i would pay you $$$$$$$$ to take pics constantly! i need some of this pregnancy, and some of my stinks! hope you’re doing great and having a fun summer! xoxo

  3. delighted kate says:

    Happy Birthday Lulu!

  4. Irene says:

    Looks like a great time. Happy birthday Lulu!

  5. nicole says:

    Oh, this has to be the sweetest f ‘in thing ever. Hugs to your two year old!


    Stopping by to say “hi” from the melomomma hop…

    If you’re up for a bit of a ride I’d love it if you’d join me at where we’re linking up with tons of beautiful bloggers today for our ALOHA Friday HOP– come join us. Oh, and also you could throw the “f” bomb around and that would just shock the heck outta everyone and I think, it’d also secretly make their Friday. Toodles.

  6. Gina says:

    Very cute. I am also impressed that you used to plan events for Elle- that would be fun, and crazy at the same time. Coming to you from the blog hop, have a great weekend.

  7. Tania says:

    So adorable! Looks like a great party!

  8. Pingback: The Red Cups | My Wife Lies

  9. Vivian says:

    I managed to laugh in every single post of yours on this page (yes I read them all). Even with the f bomb and everything… it just seems SO real. Now I now what my kids think of me every time we party and there seem to be more pictures of me and my friends than of the actual birthday child. Don’t blame you, that was a cool party, I’ve done them for every age up until 8 (it’s coming) Why not? I’m excited to come back and see what’s you are up to next. By the way she is PRECIOUS! And I love her style :)
    p.s: My son is 5. I still think about how right or wrong it was the choice I made for this little ding dong. I already pray his wife doesn’t hate me… don’t get me wrong I don’t want him married…I’m COLOMBIAN and our bond is unique (Ha!)

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