hand, foot and huh?

so lu’s just getting over a disease she got last week…yah, that’s right, a f*cking disease. somehow she caught hand, foot and mouth disease, one of those crazy kid viruses that’s totally weird and really gross…

aren't i a lil young for f*cking acne?

apparently it’s pretty common…lil blister-like sores crop up around the mouth and on the hands and feet. hence the dumb name. it’s spread through “direct contact with the mucus, saliva or feces of an infected person” (thanks, wikipedia). well i dunno who lu got it from, but jesus christ, i hope it wasn’t from direct contact with somebody’s sh*t.

it’s not to be confused with foot and mouth disease, which is what sheep, cows and pigs get…or the affliction i suffer from a lot, foot in mouth disease. but that’s another story.

so when we were back east at my folks’ house, stinks had a fever for a coupla days…which is pretty typical since she always gets sick when we travel. which is so annoying. anyway, after 2 days, she started to get a rash around her mouth. like a dumbass, i thought it was from her binky (yes, she still uses a pacifier—but i swear to gawd it’s just when she sleeps) being wet. at the rate we’re going, this kid’s gonna use a binky ’til she’s 13. braces, here we come.

my sister theresa is a pediatric nurse and her hubs is a pediatrician, and they both took one look at lil lu’s face and diagnosed it. about an hour later, she started sprouting dots all over her hands and you guessed it…her feet. well duh.

but then she got a sweet case of the sh*ts followed by a raging diaper rash…or at least that’s what it looked like. btw, this thing should really be called hand, foot, mouth, vagina and butt disease. cuz that’s where she got the brunt of the blisters. i know, ouch. poor stinks.

the good news is i think she had a pretty mild case of it…it never seemed to bother her, and based on the images i googled, dear lord, it could’ve been a lot worse.

but then i freaked cuz my sister weezie the scientist said my baby in utero could get it…and then we’d be seriously f*cked. so i washed my hands every 5 effing minutes and refused to change any of lu’s poopy diapers (hey, i had a good excuse…it’s spread through sh*t, remember?), but lu can’t fall asleep without her hands and face touching my face, so she was all over me like a cheap suit every night. oy, i won’t make that mistake again. sorry, new baby.

so the blisters on stinky’s hands, feet and buns have all pretty much crusted over and healed, but the ones on her face are taking a lil bit longer. and of course, this is the week she scored a modeling gig. it’s been ages since she booked any work, and she had to get one now? ty-pi-cal. all i can say is thank god for photoshop.

i can't belive this b*tch dragged me outta the house looking like this.
maybe it only looks bad to me...yah, no one will even notice.
jaysus, this looks more like measles to me!
hey, ma...this chick at the next table's lookin' at me funny.
what the f*ck are you lookin' at?
what, you never seen a girl with a freakin' rash before?
why don't you take a pic...it'll last longer.
by the way, i'm still prettier than you are.
see this hand? i'm gonna wipe it over your mouf when we walk out.
ooooh that'll teach you a lesson, won't it?
my mom feels so bad for me she's letting me eat 3 cupcakes.
hmmm...maybe i should milk this disease thing.
weeeeeee! i heart hand, foot and mouf disease!
and guess which finger i'm gonna hold up? booyah!
oh wait, i have an idea! i bet if i wear a crazy outfit, no one will even notice my face.
puttin' on the finishing touches...
notice i'm wearing leg warmers...
god, i hope nobody recognizes my ass in this get-up.

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