holy terror

this weekend something really freaky and kinda scary happened: lulu had her first, official night terror. dear god, it was horrible. but i dunno who was more terrorized, her or me…

who are you calling a terror?

well, i’m pretty sure it was a night terror. at least that’s what everyone’s telling me it was. but even just the name of it sounds awful, doesn’t it?

if you don’t know what they are, night terrors aren’t the same as nightmares. oh no, sir-ee. they’re a lot worse with much more drama. sleep terrors usually happen a few hours after falling asleep—before you fall into deep rem snoozing. kids who get them usually bolt straight up, with their eyes wide open and a crazy, scared look on their faces. and lots of them thrash around, like they’re trying to protect themselves—and they don’t even recognize their mama or daddy. that’s some effed up sh*t.

and that pretty much sums up what happened with stinks. i heard her screaming in her crib (yes, she was actually in her crib) around 11:30 pm, so i went in her room to get her as usual. typically she holds her arms out to me, so i pick her up and bring her into our bed, where she falls right back asleep stroking my face. easy peasy.

but not this time. her eyes looked like they were popping out of her head, and when she saw me, she freaked her sh*t like i was a monster or something. i mean, i know i didn’t look that hot in my granny nightgown, but jeez.

anyway, in hindsight, i did everything you’re not supposed to do. duh, of course i did.

my friend chanda told me her son had night terrors for 3 years, so she’s kind of an expert. she said i shouldn’t have talked to lu or touched her cuz that only makes things worse—i’d become the physical manifestation of whatever was scaring her in the “dream.” bascially, even though her eyes were wide open, she was totally asleep. so f*cking weird.

so i should’ve just sat quietly and watched her—to make sure she didn’t hurt herself—but at first i had no clue what was happening. when i walked over to the crib, she screamed and backed away into the corner, like a frightened animal in a cage.

i kept saying, “lulu it’s me, mommy!” but she kept screaming “no no no no no!” and “no go in there!” pointing at her bathroom. it was like she was possessed.

like a total dope, i picked her up, and she started flailing around in my arms. it was then it dawned on me that she might not just be dreaming—holy sh*t, this was a night terror.

when i put her down, puddn was like, “what the f*ck’s wrong with her?” usually he doesn’t even wake up when i bring her into bed. but now it seemed like our sweet baby needed an exorcist.

eventually, she calmed down and closed her eyes again. phew, it was over. it had only lasted a few minutes, but man, those were some long-ass minutes.

the good thing about night terrors is that kiddies don’t ever remember them. but the prob is i can’t seem to forget about it.

"hey, i heard about your night terror. are you okay, babes?"
"holy sh*t! you were faking it!?!"
put it this way...my mom will never make me sleep alone ever again.
seriously, you should try it sometime.
g'ahead, isaac, you can do it! trust me, our moms are so dumb.
if they only knew how brilliant we are.
dude, act cool. i think they're listening.
hey, mom, what's up?
wait, should i feel bad about this?
eh, f*ck no!
okay, let's practice my technique!
do i look scared?!?
okay, how about now?
weeeeee! nailed it!
i might need to work on my innocent face.
screw you, mom! i own you!


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This entry was posted in cursing baby, f bombs, first-time mom, frat dude, husband, neurotic mom, new father, night terrors, pregnancy, pregnant at 40, tantrums, terrible twos, toddler who curses and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to holy terror

  1. Misty says:

    My daughter had a mini night terror about a year ago but all she did was scream in her sleep. It sounded like she was terrified!! It only lasted like 5 seconds but it was so scary. Poor Lulu =[

  2. Kim says:

    I had night terrors and would sleepwalk as a kid. I stopped having them when I was about sixteen. My episodes were similar to your daughters except I used to get out of bed. I would even run screaming down the hallway like the exorcist sometimes! It would scare my parents shitless! It was usually brought on by illness or exhaustion…so I wasn’t allowed to go on sleep overs as a kid because I would be so tierd the next day. Hope my kids don’t inherit this craziness!

    • Janet says:

      omg, your poor parents! they must’ve been scared shitless! and poor you, too! i’m glad you don’t get them anymore! :)

  3. susan says:

    I’ve never heard of these. Oy. Sounds awful. Poor thing.
    The pics are adorable. Her boyfriend is too cute for words too!!!

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