i planned to host a fabulous easter brunch at our new place. the menu was set (gluten-free quiche, anyone?), lu had the perfect dress, and our yard was ready for the egg hunt and our new bubble machine. but of course, sh*t happens…and easter? well, it was cancelled…
god damnit. i just had more one thing to do: get a bunch of crap to put in the plastic jumbo eggs for the egg hunt. so lulu and i cruised over to party city and loaded up on rubber balls, slinkies, yo-yos, stickers and other dumb made-in-china, probably lead-filled junk that kids just love. what about candy, you ask? nope, no candy. maybe next year, but lu doesn’t even know what it is yet. i know, i’m mean, but tough titties, kid.
well apparently my stupid uterus didn’t like party city as much as lu and i did—cuz it had a meltdown afterward. the result? strict bed rest for another 2 weeks. ugh, jesus, i was only outta bed for 1 day. f*ck you, party city.
it sucks cuz i love easter: the bunnies, the flowers, the bonnets and all that crap. the one thing i despise: hard-boiled eggs. so i’ll dye eggs…oh i’ll dye the sh*t out of ‘em, but don’t expect me to eat ‘em. woof.
up until a few years ago, my dad still had an annual egg hunt for my sister, weezie, and me. but in the true spirit of easter, our eggs had cold, hard cash in them. my dad would stuff ‘em with money, from pennies (damn him) to dolla-bills (score!). and weez and i would trip over each other trying to stock up on quarters for laundry. isn’t that what every family does on easter?
i did take lulu to sit on the easter bunny’s lap last week. btw, what’s the point of it? are you supposed to ask the easter bunny for presies, like you do with santa? i actually asked the dude in line in front of us. his answer: “um, i’m a jew…i have no idea.” then he started asking me questions, like how a bunny is supposed to lay eggs. point is, he was a nice, jewish dad taking his catholic daughter to see the easter bunny. i’ll give you one guess where puddn was…yep, the golf course.
anyway, lu’s too dumb, oops, i mean, young, to understand the whole bunny business. so we’re just gonna postpone easter for a coupla weeks…or whenever i can get outta this bed. that is, unless i go crazy first.
happy easter!!! hope you got lots of money in your eggs!
and check out puddn’s new blog at www.mywifelies.com.