everybody knows i’m a lil (fine, a lot) obsessed with my stinky. and maaaybe i’m a wee bit paranoid to leave her with a babysitter. ever. yah, so? look, i can’t just trust anyone to watch my precious girl. well this bun in the oven must be making me nuts cuz i totally dumped sweet baby in the hands of a 9-year-old all weekend…
puds, stinks and i cruised out to palm desert to hang with with his cousin brett and his fam. the second we got there, i drop-kicked lu on her ass and into the arms of elle, who’s 9. but jeez, she had adult supervision: her sister, alyssa. she’s 12 going on 24.
dear lord, it was genius. i sat on my fat, pregnant ass all day while those 2 adorable gals did everything for that kid. and i mean everything. i didn’t lift a f*cking finger for 48 hours. i was like, “uh, lu who?”
they were amazing. those 2 girlies taught lu some sweet dance routines, took her swimming, played putt-putt golf, and let the spoiled lil diva boss ‘em around. as for me? i chillaxed in the sun, listened to tunes, and gabbed about how much i hate that b*tch, courtney, on “the bachelor.” (seriously, how can ben pick that mean, horrible tramp?)
the only thing that could’ve made the sitch better would’ve been a marg on the rocks. or a few. goddamn babies ruin everything.
anyway, then i actually got to chug back dinner in peace while elle and alyssa dealt with lil messy marvin at the kids’ table…in the next room. it was awesome.
and the best part was i didn’t change one friggin’ diaper the entire weekend, not a pee, not a poop. aah, that part was glorious.
oh, and where was puddn the whole time, you ask? doing what he does best: playing mediocre golf, getting bombed, acting stupid, and yappin’ to anyone who’ll listen about our ridiculous, new hot tub. ugh, such an idiot.
i dunno who was sadder leaving the girls, lu or me. cuz lemme tell ya, she certainly didn’t give a sh*t about her mama the whole weekend. well sorry, stinks, no matter how much botox i stuff in my face to try to look 12, i’ll just never be that much fun.
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